This tiny town is constantly in my thoughts. It doesn't even need an invitation. No matter where I am or what I am doing it creeps in. And with it comes a yearning, a deep fondness that resonates right to my core, a feeling of attachment far greater than with anything else. The high street that has a certain air of desolate beauty about it, the people...oh the people. The youth.
So much broken-ness yet so much possibility. I have never felt more at home anywhere in my life. And for this reason my heart yearns to go back.
I almost feel a certain sense of loss...maybe a loss of who I was when I was there...so much less pre-occupied with others thoughts, my appearance, the everyday bothers..but was so keen for God to use me, challenge me and just KNEW that whatever small thing I prayed, that God would work through me. Numerous times certain kids were put on my heart and we would pray that we would bump into them that day..and we did....and God just came through...The extra money in my purse which defnitely hadn't been there before, the constant provision, the challenges within me to re-think everything I believed, the eye-opening youth, the amazing people I was able to meet, the places I was able to go, the beginning of a very different journey with Jesus that I had never thought I would be on. mind-blowing.
I guess I miss the simpleness of life there.
Simply trusting.
Simply being myself.
Simply feeling so free.
Simply knowing.
And then just in the mix of things my heart wonders what it will be like when I do go back.
The same? Different? And will I have changed?
I'm very glad the timing isn't in my hands because I would most definitely stuff it up.
Thanks Jesus.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
margaret.
A while back I met this interesting lady.
Wearing a beanie over her short tufty hair, and clothes roughly layered over one another, she would only utter a few words when asked a question.
Her walk was more of a shuffle, accompanied by eyes that wandered here and there but fled to the ground whenever she thought they would meet anothers.
I saw her before she saw me and vowed that if I saw her again I would do something. Maybe buy her lunch or find out her story, but for that moment I would just let her be, wandering the streets.
Then a niggle, a thought, maybe now, as I walked past her. Maybe she was hungry?
As we sat and ate, I studied her, asking questions that werent met with answers. She was focused on the fish and chips in front of her.
In that moment was left with a feeling that Margaret and I would meet again.
Since then there have been many moments I have seen her short unkempt figure, shuffling through town, her eyes wandering aimlessly.
I wish I could say that everytime I see her my heart jumps for joy and I am so eager to befriend this lady and love her as she is. But, I am ashamed to admit it but there have been far more times I have pretended I haven't seen her, carried on my daily business, and just walked on by no matter how in need she looks. I try to push the thought out of my mind and think of reasons to justify not even saying hello. I get so mad at myself everytime, once the opportunity has passed, and know what I should have done, and vow next time will be different.
The thing is, if I pretend I don't see her, I can go on with my life thinking that I can't do anything for her, I can stay inside my own little world and be comfortable. I can keep thinking that there is nothing I can do for her, that I am the most important thing, that all I have to do is look out for numero uno. This needs to change. I need stop trying to cover that little voice that urges me to do good, no matter how hard it feels or what it looks like to others. I need to embrace it.
I hope that next time I see the figure shuffling down the street I will go out of my way to say hello and see how she is, and be genuinely interested.
I would love to boldly show love, not just when it suits me, but always.
What a challenge.
Maybe it begins with a choice that needs to be acted out consistently?
I want to try to love like Jesus loved.
Consistently and unconditionally.
no matter who.
Margaret, I learn more from you than you would ever know.
Wearing a beanie over her short tufty hair, and clothes roughly layered over one another, she would only utter a few words when asked a question.
Her walk was more of a shuffle, accompanied by eyes that wandered here and there but fled to the ground whenever she thought they would meet anothers.
I saw her before she saw me and vowed that if I saw her again I would do something. Maybe buy her lunch or find out her story, but for that moment I would just let her be, wandering the streets.
Then a niggle, a thought, maybe now, as I walked past her. Maybe she was hungry?
As we sat and ate, I studied her, asking questions that werent met with answers. She was focused on the fish and chips in front of her.
In that moment was left with a feeling that Margaret and I would meet again.
Since then there have been many moments I have seen her short unkempt figure, shuffling through town, her eyes wandering aimlessly.
I wish I could say that everytime I see her my heart jumps for joy and I am so eager to befriend this lady and love her as she is. But, I am ashamed to admit it but there have been far more times I have pretended I haven't seen her, carried on my daily business, and just walked on by no matter how in need she looks. I try to push the thought out of my mind and think of reasons to justify not even saying hello. I get so mad at myself everytime, once the opportunity has passed, and know what I should have done, and vow next time will be different.
The thing is, if I pretend I don't see her, I can go on with my life thinking that I can't do anything for her, I can stay inside my own little world and be comfortable. I can keep thinking that there is nothing I can do for her, that I am the most important thing, that all I have to do is look out for numero uno. This needs to change. I need stop trying to cover that little voice that urges me to do good, no matter how hard it feels or what it looks like to others. I need to embrace it.
I hope that next time I see the figure shuffling down the street I will go out of my way to say hello and see how she is, and be genuinely interested.
I would love to boldly show love, not just when it suits me, but always.
What a challenge.
Maybe it begins with a choice that needs to be acted out consistently?
I want to try to love like Jesus loved.
Consistently and unconditionally.
no matter who.
Margaret, I learn more from you than you would ever know.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
justice.
There are so many things in the world that just aren't fair. Injustice is everywhere. This world is full of it...What would it look like to stand up for those who dont have a voice? To strive to make a difference for those who cant make it for themselves..those in prisons, the hungry, refugees, war victims, slaves, human trafficking...
Its something that my eyes have just been opened too..Looking outside of my self and realising that there are people in the world that literally have NOTHING. Seeing that their are innocent people all over the world caught up in war zones, human trafficking, refugees, starving children..and to be honest it is overwhelming..To be brutally honest at the thought of it all and the feeling of helplessnes I get this urge to pretend I had never realised at all, because then I could carry on my normal life just worrying about myself and all the little mindless bothers that happen. But that is not what is helpful..that is not what God wants. And i think he is stirring my heart to GET UP, take action and make a difference, no matter how big or small.
Why should I care about injustice? Because each of these people are humans. Each of these people are loved by God and if I am to say that I am a follower of Jesus then I have to act like one. But what am I to do? This is where I stop. Because to be honest I have no idea. But I have to stand up and do something. We need to be aware of all that is going on in the world because we are called to stand up for those who dont have a voice, set the captives free..and what does that look like? I dont know. But I am so willing to find out. Start small? send a few petitions? learn about issues?
People treating other people so badly must make God so angry, so mad. His heart must be so broken when he sees his children being mistreated. And for me to sit down and do nothing would be an offense. If I were to start using my time wisely, if we were to cutout all those distractions that get us nowhere, how much of a difference could we make? Imagine a world where people actually cared, stood up for those who needed it and wouldn't stop shouting about it until something was done?! We have the means, we have a voice. Im just trying to figure out how to use it.
Its something that my eyes have just been opened too..Looking outside of my self and realising that there are people in the world that literally have NOTHING. Seeing that their are innocent people all over the world caught up in war zones, human trafficking, refugees, starving children..and to be honest it is overwhelming..To be brutally honest at the thought of it all and the feeling of helplessnes I get this urge to pretend I had never realised at all, because then I could carry on my normal life just worrying about myself and all the little mindless bothers that happen. But that is not what is helpful..that is not what God wants. And i think he is stirring my heart to GET UP, take action and make a difference, no matter how big or small.
Why should I care about injustice? Because each of these people are humans. Each of these people are loved by God and if I am to say that I am a follower of Jesus then I have to act like one. But what am I to do? This is where I stop. Because to be honest I have no idea. But I have to stand up and do something. We need to be aware of all that is going on in the world because we are called to stand up for those who dont have a voice, set the captives free..and what does that look like? I dont know. But I am so willing to find out. Start small? send a few petitions? learn about issues?
People treating other people so badly must make God so angry, so mad. His heart must be so broken when he sees his children being mistreated. And for me to sit down and do nothing would be an offense. If I were to start using my time wisely, if we were to cutout all those distractions that get us nowhere, how much of a difference could we make? Imagine a world where people actually cared, stood up for those who needed it and wouldn't stop shouting about it until something was done?! We have the means, we have a voice. Im just trying to figure out how to use it.
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